Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize