There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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