go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
