U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
