He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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