weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize