Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
