1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
