jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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