and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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