i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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