I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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