There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
