it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
