dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
