Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
