I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
