If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
