You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
