Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
