If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
