So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
