The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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