Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
