yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
