I bet he comes in French.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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