Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
