Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
