I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
there is glitter all over my balls
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