p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
