Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
