All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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