Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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