dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
