sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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