i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
