my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
