The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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