Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
