if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
