Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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