I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
