Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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