Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
