drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
