Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
