You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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