He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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