Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
