Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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