How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This baby is an asshole
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
