im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
