So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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