what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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