I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm at about main and main street
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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