I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
