yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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