I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
