I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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