My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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