kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
