can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
