He uses pillows to masturbate.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
