i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
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We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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