I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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