just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had to cum in my sink.
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