how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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