My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
