Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
