I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
