Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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