So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
