So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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