This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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