btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
