Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
