My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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