If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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