I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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