nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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