Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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