Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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