and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
