Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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